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man i made the tittens joke yesterday ?? all the days are just melding together

i want to set up my recording gear but the only place i enjoy the acoustics is in the living room and i hate having to tear everything down when i have company

only one more hour of daylight left gotta make it count *fires up ps4*

anyone dare me to boost a toot i'll fuckin do it i'm ready to show the world just how much of a wild card i really am

ok im' gonna dick around here for 16 minutes then i'm gonna force myself to do literally anything

my favorite all time butt word hands down has got to be rump

trying to take a break from contemplating my inner darkness by shifting gears to writing some absolutely killer shitposts but im not really feelin it

tfw you run into an old friend on a bus that you lost touch with and you get the distinct impression that they don't like you very much anymore because you're not great at staying in touch or communicating and are only making small talk with you because they don't want to seem rude

if you're gonna run a phone scam probably a good idea to do some research and make sure your number block doesn't include the UP

*phone rings, it's an escanaba number*

me: hello!

escanaba number: hi, is allen there?

me: oh, wow, you're calling from escanaba eh?

them: no, am i talking to allen?

me: well that's a hoot my phone says you're callin' from escanaba! i used to live right up the road from there!

them: i don't understand what you're saying sir, is this allen?

me: you're not one of those scammers are ya? says you're callin' from escanaba, lovely town, how much snow ya got?

them: *hangs up*

now is the part of my evening where i just stare blankly at the tl and let the toots just wash over me

in 2020 you can look forward to algorithmically jimmied timeline features and fully dark AB test switching that no one asked for from the premier social media website for manatees, sea cows, dugongs, and other sirenians

my engagement numbers on the fedi are sky rocketing my premium toots are getting boosted into the stratosphere i can tell my masto brand is really taking off so im thinking hard about dropping serious ad spend to natively target my core demos and peak core engagement metrics for q4 to justify my massive marketing budgets for 2020 in our year end reviews

toe mittens... or as i like to call them: tittens

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